I'm Back!
Well, hello there strangers! It has been almost THREE years since my last post. What? I have no excuse, except for being a busy Mama and Fiancé. But from this point on, I will commit to post much more often. I am hoping to start some speaking gigs, so if you know anywhere or anyone that needs a motivational pep talk or testimony, I am your gal!
Ok, so I am going to give you a super quick update on what has been going on in my world for the past three years. My two little girls are now 5 and 3 years old, and as of Christmas Eve last year, I have a FIANCE (Kris)! Yay! I am two years in to my Master's Degree in Psychology. I will finish in less than a year, and will begin my licensure hours towards becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist. Kris was deployed to Afghanistan in the spring, and then returned home from his deployment early. Honestly, I am not sure that my anxiety would have held out for another three months anyways, so that was a tremendous blessing. I am STILL cancer free. I just celebrated 7 years on September 12th, and I am feeling incredibly blessed to still be here. This October will mark 9 years since my wonderful Husband's passing. That seems crazy to think about. I have celebrated often, and cried just as much. The past three years have been filled with birthdays, anniversaries, funerals, anxiety, sadness and grief. But, I am ok with that. I have grown so much, and feel like I am exactly where God intended me to be.
Now, to the actual reason for this post. Life has been heavy lately. Super heavy. I feel as though there has been a cloud of sadness and fear around me, and I can't seem to shake it. I have suffered from depression before, and this is different. More tangible. Recently, many friends and family members have been diagnosed or are suffering from some type of illness. And it has been a lot to process. I am very good at being the sick one, but being a loved one/caretaker is hard! Shout out to all my amazing family and friends who worried and cared for me when I was sick; I know it wasn't easy! I recently lost my wonderful Father-in-Law. He suffered from COPD and Multiple Myeloma for years. His death shook me. Hard. I felt cheated. I didn't get enough time with him. My girls didn't get enough time with their Grandpa. And watching Kris navigate the loss of his Father has been heart breaking. Another family member is suffering from issues with her spine. She is in constant pain. I wish I could take her pain away. I wish I could shoulder her pain instead. My Grandfather had a very scary accident, and is still in the hospital recovering. I have four friends with breast cancer. Yes, FOUR. All in their thirties. I have friends struggling with anxiety. I have friends who struggle with the invisible scars of war. Like I said, life has just felt heavy. I catch myself feeling down and upset about all that is going on around me. I immediately try to name five things that I am grateful for. My girls. My fiancé. Their health. Our home. Our amazing God. Then I take a breath. A deep breath. I find myself having to hit this "reset" button a lot lately. Daily. Hourly sometimes. Life may be heavy, but I have to remember that there is beauty in the darkness. I am not going to argue that "everything happens for a reason", because honestly, I hate that saying. But, I think that if we try hard enough, we can find something positive in every situation. So, that's what I will do, until everything feels less heavy. Less scary. And I encourage you to do the same thing. When things feel overwhelming, take a minute. Breathe. Count your blessings, out loud. And continue on.
To end this blog post, I have some BIG NEWS! Our family will be relocating to the DC/Maryland area at the beginning of the year! This news came as a big shock to us. Huge. Kris was deployed when we found out, and it was the absolute worst timing. I admit, I didn't accept this news well. I cried. I fought it. I got mad. After all, Santa Maria, Ca is my home, and has been for 34 years. But, after some time, some conversations, and some encouragement from my family, off we go! This is a short term move, which makes it a little easier. We will be back summer/fall of 2022 to settle back into Santa Maria, and find our forever home. We are excited for this new chapter in our lives! I know the move will bring new adventures, new friends, more time to focus on family, and hopefully lots of visitors coming to the East Coast! We will have plenty of room!
Until my next post, find the good in everything and everyone! Much love and blessings!
Ok, so I am going to give you a super quick update on what has been going on in my world for the past three years. My two little girls are now 5 and 3 years old, and as of Christmas Eve last year, I have a FIANCE (Kris)! Yay! I am two years in to my Master's Degree in Psychology. I will finish in less than a year, and will begin my licensure hours towards becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist. Kris was deployed to Afghanistan in the spring, and then returned home from his deployment early. Honestly, I am not sure that my anxiety would have held out for another three months anyways, so that was a tremendous blessing. I am STILL cancer free. I just celebrated 7 years on September 12th, and I am feeling incredibly blessed to still be here. This October will mark 9 years since my wonderful Husband's passing. That seems crazy to think about. I have celebrated often, and cried just as much. The past three years have been filled with birthdays, anniversaries, funerals, anxiety, sadness and grief. But, I am ok with that. I have grown so much, and feel like I am exactly where God intended me to be.
Now, to the actual reason for this post. Life has been heavy lately. Super heavy. I feel as though there has been a cloud of sadness and fear around me, and I can't seem to shake it. I have suffered from depression before, and this is different. More tangible. Recently, many friends and family members have been diagnosed or are suffering from some type of illness. And it has been a lot to process. I am very good at being the sick one, but being a loved one/caretaker is hard! Shout out to all my amazing family and friends who worried and cared for me when I was sick; I know it wasn't easy! I recently lost my wonderful Father-in-Law. He suffered from COPD and Multiple Myeloma for years. His death shook me. Hard. I felt cheated. I didn't get enough time with him. My girls didn't get enough time with their Grandpa. And watching Kris navigate the loss of his Father has been heart breaking. Another family member is suffering from issues with her spine. She is in constant pain. I wish I could take her pain away. I wish I could shoulder her pain instead. My Grandfather had a very scary accident, and is still in the hospital recovering. I have four friends with breast cancer. Yes, FOUR. All in their thirties. I have friends struggling with anxiety. I have friends who struggle with the invisible scars of war. Like I said, life has just felt heavy. I catch myself feeling down and upset about all that is going on around me. I immediately try to name five things that I am grateful for. My girls. My fiancé. Their health. Our home. Our amazing God. Then I take a breath. A deep breath. I find myself having to hit this "reset" button a lot lately. Daily. Hourly sometimes. Life may be heavy, but I have to remember that there is beauty in the darkness. I am not going to argue that "everything happens for a reason", because honestly, I hate that saying. But, I think that if we try hard enough, we can find something positive in every situation. So, that's what I will do, until everything feels less heavy. Less scary. And I encourage you to do the same thing. When things feel overwhelming, take a minute. Breathe. Count your blessings, out loud. And continue on.
To end this blog post, I have some BIG NEWS! Our family will be relocating to the DC/Maryland area at the beginning of the year! This news came as a big shock to us. Huge. Kris was deployed when we found out, and it was the absolute worst timing. I admit, I didn't accept this news well. I cried. I fought it. I got mad. After all, Santa Maria, Ca is my home, and has been for 34 years. But, after some time, some conversations, and some encouragement from my family, off we go! This is a short term move, which makes it a little easier. We will be back summer/fall of 2022 to settle back into Santa Maria, and find our forever home. We are excited for this new chapter in our lives! I know the move will bring new adventures, new friends, more time to focus on family, and hopefully lots of visitors coming to the East Coast! We will have plenty of room!
Until my next post, find the good in everything and everyone! Much love and blessings!
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