The Resilient Widow

October 5th is the day that I dread each and every year. October 5th is the day that I re-live the very worst day of my life. Today marks six years since Dan was killed in action while serving our country. And as this day approaches, the feelings and emotions re-surface as it was happening all over again. The pain, the sadness, the shock; it all comes flooding back. So to sum it up… today SUCKS. It is such a weird feeling. Because my life is pretty amazing. I have the love of a wonderful and supportive man named Kristopher. I have two beautiful little girls that I get to stay home with and watch grow and blossom. And I have a home that Kris and I created together, that is full of love and laughter. But when October 5th shows its ugly face, I revert back to the newlywed who learned that her Husband of four months was killed. And it is so incredibly confusing and difficult to exist as both people for those 24 hours. Because for the other 364 days of the year, I remember Dan in such a ...

It has taken me quite some time to realize that the life I thought I was going to live, is not going to happen. Growing up, I pictured myself as being this perfect housewife. With a perfect home. Perfect children. Perfect everything. Obviously, this was very naive of me. And if the past seven years of my life have taught me anything at all, it is that I am imperfect. Flawed. Broken. And after a lot of time, thinking, and therapy; I have discovered that I am totally and completely okay with it. In fact, I kind of love it. Because I have realized that in my imperfection, I can still be a complete and whole person with a lot to offer this world.  I have had to accept and adapt to a lot of things in my life. Living life without my Husband. Losing my health and my hair to an awful disease. Living with the constant fear of a relapse of that disease. These are all somewhat obvious things that I have had to come to terms with. But unfortunately, those huge events in my life caused som...