The Resilient Widow

Four years ago today, July 18th, 2008, I started dating the love of my life, Daniel James. He is not only my Husband, but my soul mate, my Hero, and my Angel. I have been so incredibly blessed to have been a part of Dan’s life. Our two years and three months together were so full of love, laughter, faith and commitment. We laughed. We dreamed. We planned a future together. We had it all, and we were so happy. Our life together was cut short. He was ripped from me in a matter of seconds, and my life was changed forever. I was changed forever. As I was sitting in my room last night, missing Dan and being so overcome with anger at where I am in my life, I decided to read through all of the emails that Dan and I had ever sent each other while he was deployed. That was the best decision I could have made. I often feel sad, lonely, depressed, scared and worthless. These feelings can be so incredibly daunting and consuming, but they are real. And I understand that many of the...

Oh how I miss the days of stressing over a term paper deadline, or being nervous over an upcoming tennis match. Those days have now been replaced with stressing over my tumor, and being nervous about how my life will reconstruct itself in the future. If I have learned anything in the past three years, it is that I need to make "me time" a top priority in my life, which is something that I often have a hard time accomplishing. With all that is going on, I often find myself utterly overwhelmed. I am often so overwhelmed with various emotions, that I just shut down on the inside; robot mode. From this blog on, I am vowing to dedicate more time to me. More time to relax. More time to take a deep breath. More time to travel. More time to write. And more time to realize that I am still here, living this life.   I am not working right now, but I often find myself wishing that I was. I want something to fill my mind besides my tumultuous life. I want deadlines. I want staff meeti...