Monday, March 26, 2012

27... now what?

In one week from today, I will be turning 27 years old. Wow. When did that happen? When discussing age with friends or family, I always joke and say, "I am almost 27 and have NOTHING to show for it." I say this with extreme sarcasm, and possibly a bit of truth. Years ago, when I pictured my life at 26, I invisioned myself gainfully employed, with a loving Husband, a child or two, and my Masters degree. Snapshot of my life as it stands... No career. No Husband. No children. No Masters degree. Hmm... definitely not what I pictured. Do you ever look at your life, and not recognize it as your own? I do that on a daily basis. What is the reality of my life now? I am a 26 year old military widow and cancer patient. My situation does not allow me to chase my career goals as of right now, and that is difficult to accept, but I have. My situation has made it nearly impossible to conceive children in the future, and that is difficult to accept, but I have. My Husband and best friend is dead. Difficult to accept... but I am working on it. So, here I sit, one week away from turning 27 years old, and it dawned on me... I am blessed. Confused? I am blessed to have been able marry the man of my dreams and to know true love, if even for a short time. I am blessed to have had him by my side as I fought cancer the first time, and to have him as a guardian angel as I battle it, yet again. I am blessed to have an amazing family that loves and supports me in everything I do. I am blessed to have a small group of friends that mean the world to me, and love me just as I am. I am blessed to have nieces and nephews that call me Auntie. I am blessed to be alive, and to be fighting this cancer. So, what will my life look like at 27? Whatever I want it to. In the next year of my life, I will travel. I will start my Masters degree. I will welcome another niece/nephew into this world. I will fight this cancer with all that I have. I will laugh. I will cry. And I will thank God everyday for my life.

There is no doubt that this world is full of suffering, loss, and heartache. But, it is also full of all the beautiful things that keep us smiling on a daily basis. Sure, I still have my bad days where I lay in bed and cry, and that is okay. But I also have the type of days that start off slow, and end up chasing the snow on a mountain top in the distance, only to reach it and witness some of God's natural beauty. I love those days, but I have chosen to embrace both types. The good days are blessings, and the bad days help to mold me in to who I am.

In one week from today, I will be 27 years old, and have PLENTY to show for it.

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5: 3-4

7 comments:

  1. The world is lucky to have your example!

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  2. Beautifully written by a beautiful woman. Cheers to 27 and another year under your belt. To many many more ahead!
    - Chrissy

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  3. Love you! Thanks for starting this. Whether or not you realize it, others will see your example and see God in your writing. He is proud of you. Me, too.

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  4. Thank you so much for your inspiration! I am almost 53, am fighting cancer, have 3 grown children and grandchildren, have my husband by my side (retired army) and am fighting cancer.........and was feeling SORRY for myself!! What a huge difference your blog has made in viewing my situation! It is through you and others like you that I hear Spirit talking to me and showing me the way. Healing and blessing,

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  5. Kristen - we've never met. I know of you from the Peter Johnson (I used to work at the same bible camp, eons and eons ago), simply by him reposting your beautiful blog on his facebook page. I would like to think it's random, but it's quite the opposite. Thank you for showing the world a glimpse into your heart and soul. Thanks for being so vulnerable with the things that challenge you. Sending good and joyful vibes your way today!

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  6. Kristen, thank you for sharing your heart and baring your soul to the public through this forum. You are so right; there IS so much to be thankful for. Even on those days where there only seems to be a dim light of hope, that dim light originates from an energy much brighter than we can imagine...Looking forward to more blogging. :). God speed girl!!

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